Chapter 2

It is simple, really. Every successful civilisation since the beginning of time had one thing in common, a system. A structure that persevered even when the people who made it succumbed to the earthly cycles of birth and death. A legacy was left behind. From the mummified kings that ruled the Egypt to the more recent suave businessmen, a legacy was all that drove them to achieve the things they did. A secret passed in the hallways of success between catching breath from having had too much of it. A code of practice that not all got a peek at. I understand the charm of the un-understood. There is something mystifying about not knowing it all in its entirety, isn’t it.

That’s how they differentiate, between us and them. They know things that the future of our generations will read, bewildered to find out the atrocities they pulled off, all in the name of having a structure in place. Some might argue that the sacrifice is not a lot to ask for the stability it provided, perpetuating lies that never stop spinning. Lies that are kept alive with half truths to make it feel like you get it. Call me a cynical but the current world order could really not care less about the people in it. They could try, but stooping lower would require them for punishing us for  just being alive, and some days here, it does start to feel like that.

I try and get in a good nights rest the night before I am supposed to meet my client. Needless to say, there are no repeat clients in this line of work. I ask them to meet me at their places. I tried meeting them in public spaces, but the sobbing really seemed to get everyone’s attention and I don’t like it. It is strange how one’s fears and sorrows are supposed to be kept hidden at all times. No one wants to talk about it, not even acknowledge it. All they do, even if they see someone gasping for air as they try and get a control over their emotions is to look the other way while never failing to ‘discreetly' elbow the person beside them. As if that cry for help isn’t one at all and is instead a procession for them to discuss later over their cups of coffee. In their general defence things concerning human apathy have taken a turn for the worse.

I usually get referrals from the relatives of the deceased, but this client didn’t take any familiar name, now that I think about it, she didn’t take any name at all. Attempting to grasp at any sort of information from the database I kept hidden in my files, I decided to make my way across town to meet her.

I knew from the address I had jotted down after the very brief and extremely awkward call with her, that she didn’t lodge in a good part of the city. Well, it really isn’t as if there is a lot to work with, but even with this version of a hell hole existing in this current plane of reality, there were places that warranted the usage of the rather rarely used term ‘bad neighbourhood’. Even amongst the sparse ruins that made up this part of town, hers looked like it could be used to make up an entire neighbourhood for places in worse shape than it is. It looked like a standard issue Floatie, a movable home of sorts that gets assigned to the residents with the lowest scores. Hers seemed to have made its way through several hands or generations of people with nothing much to show. It was a dull shade of yellow and had those makeshift curtains hanging in the windows facing the street. If one could call this a street that is, I had to walk my bike the last four miles or I’d have been left lying face down in a ditch of my own doing.

I knocked at the door and stepped aside. I knew from my previous visits to such places that if I didn’t, there wouldn’t be enough of space for her to even hold the door open.

I heard her rustling on the other end before she finally made the journey to the partially opened door. I hadn’t seen a lot of women lately, but one glance at her assured me that this one did not deserve to be here.

‘I’m so sorry for keeping you waiting, would it be all right if we went for a walk.’, she said without actually looking at me. Jiggling the keys in the lock one final time, she turned around and found me as it is, without an answer of any sort. I managed to bumble a yes as she started walking around the place checking the windows.

‘There’s not much inside, I just don’t like the idea of anyone intruding’, she stated as she motioned for me to follow her.

She didn’t speak for a while after that, just kept walking in front of me with the decisive walk of someone who had taken this route a lot of times. I had to keep my eyes on the ground every two seconds to make sure I didn’t step on the waste lying about. It caught me in a dizzy of sorts, with my head bobbing up and down every few moments, I must have evoked a comical feeling because not long after that I ended up bumping into my client, doubled up with silent laughter raking up her bodysuit.

That’s when I realised that hers was one of the best in the market. Not that it really is one, you don’t buy one, if you know the right people, you will just land up one a good one during the allocation. She must have mistaken my stare with hurt because after a minute or so, she just straightened up with a solemn look in her eye and said, ‘I just remembered something funny, sorry if it offended you’. Resuming on her path, I caught her sneaking a sideways glance at me.

There was something odd about this case since the beginning, I hardly ever get calls from clients. Mostly because they are either in a state of shock or just sobbing on the side. The brief, awkward calls that I get more often than I would want, are filled with silences that I know are the relatives consoling my clients. This one was different however, there was no crying, no sniffling, no emotive subtext. Now that I think about it, I don’t think she even said a hello or goodbye.

‘Is this the Sleazy?’, she had enquired. I didn’t get a chance to finish my yes, before she had already set a time and place for this meeting. I didn’t have to nudge her, push her, bring her back on the course or anything. I had been sitting in a bar after a bad day at work that time. I remember squinting my face because there was a mirror right in front of me, I was caught off guard for a moment there. In a matter of a short phone call, I had gotten to know much more about this client of mine than I ever did any of the other ones and I wasn’t entirely sure if it made me feel better.

Call me old fashioned, but I am a believer of the whole losing your mind on finding about your state sanctioned untimely demise. There is no pain, of course. They actually make quite a day out of it. There’s all these administrative tasks that tend to distract the easy targets, but I had a feeling it would be different with her.

I got so lost out in my own thoughts, with my breath fogging up the viewer, I ended up almost bumping into her when she stalled right in front of a huge lot. I looked up and saw a dozen signs pinned up on the front gate, all of them containing warnings in signs and symbols. I wasn’t much of a visitor for this part of town, but the reason why did come rushing back as the emergency bells tolled in my head. I composed my expression before turning to her and asking, ‘Why are we here?’

She gestured me to stay quiet and started looking for something on her. Fiddling for a while, she finally took out a small card and swiped it on the door, before throwing me a knowing look.

It was an out of order plant for manufacturing, these things got obsolete about ten years ago, when the materials ran out. There was no need for finished goods in a market with zero buyers, so most of these places were marked and shut out, for good. The owners were hardly ever citizen dwellers, so it didn’t make much of a difference to our lives. We didn’t have things then, we didn’t have things now. So much for that. What puzzled me now however was the existence of a key card in the hands of a dweller, much more so because she lived in a cardboard box that was just marginally stronger than the winds that blew around it.

There was something eerie about the place. As soon as we stepped inside and heard the metal thunk of the gate, my head started to feel a little woozy. Here I was, with a stranger I knew nothing about, except for the one little nugget that the news of her own death didn’t faze her. What was a person like that capable of? I grabbed a hold of the metal bar in the elevator to steady myself. All the while, making sure that none of my nervousness was leaving my bodysuit.

I looked around the glass panes of the elevator throttling us down to the end of the world at unimaginable speeds. Not much could be made out but blurry visions of humungous machinery covered in tarp. I wanted to ask how she gained access to the key, but I was afraid of the answer. Being in a closed off space with a total stranger really put me on the edge and I didn’t like finding out about my vulnerabilities like this. Not that there are any other ways to.

The elevator finally came to a stop at a floor labelled ‘X’ and opened up to a hallway with doors on either side. She flicked on a light with the ease of someone who had been here a lot. I couldn’t image why she would live in the dingy place out in the nowhere when she had access to a building that could put even our administration’s abode at shame.

‘It’s too big out here and they do regular checks. I can’t risk my privacy, so the other place makes more sense’, she said as if reading my mind. I nodded and tried to test whether she really could read my mind, before realising how stupid it sounded and just waited my turn.

She finally came to a halt before a large room that looked like it must have been a conference room of sort in its hey day but was merely a shadow of the room now. The chairs had all been piled up in a corner, with the table still taking up sixty percent of the room, there wasn’t much space to walk. She went inside to turn on the air-conditioning before sliding up on the table and removing her headgear.

This was the first time I was seeing her and it was in the most obscure of circumstances, I had really had the strongest time coming here and I couldn’t imagine anyone believing anything that I told them about today. Not that I had anyone to tell it to. She wasn’t much older than me, and looked relatively okay. I mean, living on a plane with no real oxygen, having to lug around our own cylinders and bodysuits does damage what is left of our lives, but she looked well, almost. I couldn’t imagine anything being wrong with her. And that really puzzled me.

But it was in my training to not ask questions before their time. It is important to give the person the space they need. I mean, it's not everyday that you find out your days are up. That kind of news can be hard on the toughest amongst us, irrespective of the circumstances.

‘So you must be wondering why we had to come here?’, she said while removing a piece of lint from her body suit.

‘I have to assume it is the love of privacy, if I am not too wrong.’

‘Yeah, about that, there are some pieces that I have to move around, but essentially, yes.  Keeping this matter private is my highest concern. I hope you understand.’

I nodded. I still didn’t know if I should ask anything. All the training my father had provided me seemed to crumble down in a pile of sand at her feet.

‘Is there a protocol to these meetings?’, she enquired earnestly.

I shrugged and told her that meetings seem to be mostly run by the relatives of the clients. On account of its very nature, work such as mine is not reliant on talking too much.

She seemed to ponder over that for a while, I think I must have touched a nerve. It can’t feel good, being this alone. All of us are essentially alone, but to have to go through all of this without anyone to hold your hand, that sounds like a tough job. She ran her hands through her hair a couple of times, I sensed that she was probably uncomfortable with my staring so I decided to count the stacks of chair on the opposite side of the wall. I peeked a glance however and saw her taking a couple of shaky long breaths. Coughing a little, she offered me some water after taking a swig. It is absolutely strange how a person like hers could end up in a position like this.

‘There’s somethings you should know, I suppose’, she began. I stopped the counting at fourteen chairs and made a note. Now this was usual for me. My clients pausing to reflect and tell me the chain of events that led them to the inevitable door of death. It is painful watching someone justify their own end. But that’s the cost we pay for having been born this side of the wall. You either make your existence useful or they will come for you. They might say the process is a lot more nuanced than that, but having met the population they decided to eradicate, I can say for certain that resourcefulness was the biggest factor governing their decisions.

She seemed to have an absolute resolution to speak and yet having a hard time forming the sentences. It became incredibly evident that she was not having an easy time. So I let go off of my place on the cabinet and sat next to her. It wasn’t the best choice, but she could at least have me in her corner.

‘I know this is hard, but you can take all the time you need’, I said to her.

‘It’s not about that.’

‘What is it then?’

‘I don’t think you would understand. A part of me knows that no one else ever has.’

‘While that may be true, I have been told I am a good listener. It is what I am trained in, you know. You could give it a shot, and if I don’t understand, you will at least know that I’m your last disappointing audience’, I said and immediately regretted when I saw her eyes tear up. She cupped her face in her hands and broke down. This was a part of the process, even if she was experiencing it a little late. I put my arm around her silently sobbing body and caressed her arm. I honestly didn’t know what else to do. Other than offering up generic advice, I really didn’t feel like I could be of much help. It felt frustrating to be in a place like that. I wish I had known her from before and could possibly attempt to understand the pain she was carrying around with her, the pain that wouldn’t even let her cry at her own time. I wanted to take it off of her. If she’d just let me.